Finding Me, Connecting Back To You
Updated: Apr 26, 2020
Two years ago I decided that connecting with myself was more important than anything in the world. This was one of the most pivotal decisions in my life to date. It marked a clear change in how I approach life, decisions and adversity. I didn’t care what this decision cost me in time, money, people or opportunities. For the first time I was relentlessly and selfishly committed to me. I had become so distant from myself from giving so much of myself to others that I had lost my connection to me. I didn't know what I enjoyed and why, what were MY favorite things to do. Being alone felt SO loud. I didn't know what to do with myself when I wasn't working, with my partner or my children. What was my purpose? For so long I defined myself by who I was to other people: girlfriend, wife, sister, friend, employee. But who was I really?
I know I’m not alone in this, I see it all of the time. We consume our spare time with the hobbies of our significant others, kids activities, motherly responsibilities and wife duties. Sometimes we spend so much time being supportive of others we neglect to support and consult our true selves. We consume hours of time with our families, but spend little time developing the relationship with ourselves. I realized it had gotten so far for me that I started to question if anything I enjoyed was inherently and truly my own desire of it or if it was some morphed idea based on how unconditionally I supported others. It was definitely time to find me again.
This is what I call inner work. This is where the true magic happens. When you unapologetically decide that it is no longer selfish to put yourself first. Life is truly about feeling fulfilled and experiencing magic, and until you experience true self-realization can you truly feel fulfilled, secure and empowered. I took a long hard look at myself, unpacked resentments that had developed from sacrificing this relationship for too long and started rebuilding me. Trying new things, stepping outside of my comfort zone, showing up and feeling no regrets. This wasn't easy, there were days of tears and sad journals, wanting to give up, losing friends, distances between those closest to me but out of that has come a new found passion, career, meaningful connections and most beautiful of all- the deepest connection to myself.
If you feel like you have sacrificed everything to be something for someone else, if you feel resentment for losing out while the person you feel you sacrifice for has gotten to have it all, if you don't feel like you have any passions or hobbies, I challenge you to decide to discover you again. It's the most magical relationship of all.