• Sue Khan

How To Find YOU In A Relationship

Updated: Apr 26


For many of us one of the happiest moments of our lives are shaped with our significant others. If you are anything like me you have been with your partner for nearly a decade. It is so easy to become one. After all, that’s what they tell us marriage is about. Becoming one. While there is so much beauty in unity, it is important to always preserve your own identity in a relationship. It may feel noble and admirable to devote your life to someone else, but that can lead to resentment and unhappiness in the future if you do not have your own sense of identity.


If you are feeling unappreciated, neglected, lost and struggling with your identity,

here are 5 ways to get YOU back!


1. Spend some time alone. Oftentimes we spend so much of our time surrounded by others, consumed with work, or busy with partners that we don’t have time to consult ourselves to truly find out who we are and what we truly desire. Spending time alone may be difficult at first, you now have nowhere to hide and you are forced to confront those deep questions that you can otherwise avoid just by being busy. Ask yourself who are you really? What do you enjoy? When was the last time you did something just for you? Get comfortable with being alone and knowing yourself intimately. It is so powerful to be satisfied in your own company.


2. Do something for the first time. How often do you get stuck in the routine of doing the same thing? Try something new. Add new levels of excitement. Build anticipation and go for it. Book the solo trip! Take yourself on a dinner date! Try acupuncture! Go for a card reading! Do something- big or small that you have never done before. Simply trying something new and committing to it will be a huge confidence boost. You will be so proud of yourself for doing it.


3. Book an outing with a friend. How many times have you missed out on spending time with your friends because you are busy with your plus one? Or you’re so tired at the end of the day that you just hang out at home. Make the effort, reach out to a friend you haven't seen in a while and do something together. Girls trip, lunch, dinner, massages, movies. Spending quality time in the presence of friends or family can help build your identity outside of your relationship.


4. Release your expectations. So many times we build anger and resentment because our partners do not behave in ways that fit our image of how they should. We are all human with different desires. Needing people to fit our box of what is right and good is inhibiting and prohibiting, even if we believe that it is for the better. Everyone moves, grows and expands at their own pace. Hold a loving image of your partner and release them from your expectations.


5. Put you first. This is not a selfish act. Putting yourself first is essential to finding your own identity. It releases you from needing your partner to behave in a way that is right for you. It releases your partner from filling voids to make you feel good. It instead allows you to take back your power. Standing in your own power is so much more attractive than waiting in neediness for your partner to fill voids. Put you first and make sure you are always taken care of. A healthy couple is two confident, fulfilled individuals who are strong individually but stronger together. Fill yourself up.

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